Weight of expectations

I was attending my cousin's wedding. A relative came up to me and asked me, "how is the college going on? How are the studies going on?"
"Going good" I say politely.
"You need to study well and get good marks. Your dad has invested a lot for your education. You need to pay that off with your success," she said before disappearing in the crowd.

This is how there was the burden of expectations. I came from a simple middle class family. Most of my relatives had themselves enrolled in the general graduation degrees. I was one of the very few children who had decided to pursue a professional degree. The education for the professional degree was no wonder expensive. The fees, books, instruments everything was costly. I was very well aware of the cost of all these. And hence I was aware of the financial burden as well as that of expectations.

The burden of expectation had a very deep impact on me. Every day of my student life I would stay under the pressure of them. Each day I would think about the expense that has been incurred because of my education. Each day and night I would think about how much money had to be spent on my education. Almost every day I would calculate how much money we could have saved if I had decided to enroll myself for the general degree. For me it was all about money spent when I was a student because that is what mattered at that moment. All I could see was that the money was being spent on the education that could have been avoided if I had decided to take BSc stream.

Unfortunately in that phase nobody came to tell me not to worry about money. Nobody ever told me to just focus on studies and enjoy the college life. Nobody told me that I was not required to worry about the money because it is not the expenditure but it is an investment in your future. Nobody felt like consoling a student who had been worrying about how much money is being spent on her education and how is she going to repay it with her achievements. It was unfortunate that everybody was just telling me that a lot is being spent on me and I should be aware of it. I should act responsibili thinking how much money is been spend on my education.

Because of this burden of expectations I always felt that I was not able to enjoy my college life. Whenever there would be any celebration in the college I would feel that I should not participate in that celebration and rather I should spend my time studying so that I can improve my grade. I would feel guilty for every minute spent without studies because of the pressure of expectations. While in the college I would every day think about the day when I will complete my degree and get a job immediately.

While most of my pears had been enjoying their college life and saying that the college life should never end I was on the other hand thinking that the college life should end at soon as possible so that I can get a job and start earning. This has been the biggest regret of my college life that I was never able to enjoy those years of my college. Today when I look back at my college days I do not remember the fun because I never had any. I only remember being scared and stressed thinking that I should become successful so that my parents would feel that I was worthy of there investment in my education.

[Note: This has nothing to do with me being a woman. I was one of first of my generation to opt for a professional degree]