The Audacity Awards: Celebrating People Who Have No Business Being This Confident

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the most prestigious award ceremony of the year: The Audacity Awards!Tonight, we celebrate individuals who have contributed absolutely nothing to society but have somehow managed to develop an extraordinary amount of self-confidence.Our first award is for The Unsolicited Expert of the Year. This person has never studied a subject, read a book about it or even Googled it, but somehow possesses the confidence to correct everyone. Their speciality includes giving medical advice after watching two reels and explaining international politics using information received from a neighbour’s cousin.
Moving on, we have The Main Character Award. This individual believes every gathering is incomplete without their presence. If five people are having a conversation, they will somehow make it about themselves. If someone shares good news, they have a better story. If someone complains about a difficult day, they have experienced something considerably worse. Congratulations! Your ability to hijack conversations is truly unmatched.The next category is The Professional Victim Award. This honour goes to people who can insult others for hours but become emotionally devastated when someone makes a mildly sarcastic comment about them. They have an impressive ability to forget everything they said while remembering one sentence someone else uttered three years ago.Our fourth award goes to The Human Alarm Clock. These are the people who remind everyone about deadlines, responsibilities and productivity despite having approximately seventeen unfinished tasks of their own. Their room looks like a natural disaster, their laundry has developed its own ecosystem, but they will happily lecture you about time management.And finally, the most anticipated award of the evening: The Lifetime Achievement Award for Unnecessary Confidence.
This award goes to someone who has never admitted being wrong, even when presented with photographic evidence, official documents and a live demonstration. Their famous closing statement is always, ‘I know what I’m saying.’We would like to thank all our nominees for making ordinary conversations unnecessarily complicated and providing the rest of us with unlimited entertainment.Unfortunately, there will be no refreshments after the ceremony because our catering manager has confidently assured us that food is completely unnecessary for human survival.We have decided not to correct him.Thank you, and goodnight!
As we conclude tonight’s ceremony, remember that confidence is free, facts require effort, and apparently, not everyone is willing to make that 
investment. Until next year, keep questioning everything, trust verified information, and please nominate your favourite confidently incorrect person. We all know someone deserving.