What's the plan for family?

Based on true events.

I met one of my very close friend, Neeta in the office. We had been friends for over 10 years and she had the confidence in me to talk about her worries and fears.
"I have been a married for over 7 years. Nowadays I am afraid to go to any of the family events. I know that there will be one question that I would have to answer repetitively. Whenever I go anywhere the elder relatives always ask me when am I planning to become pregnant. They ask me as if the hold up is from my side. They look at me with the expression as if I am restricting to conceive. It becomes really unbearable. Both of us have been trying really hard but unfortunately we were not able to conceive. The doctor has advised me against IVF because according to him my body cannot take it. It is really getting hard each and every day," Neeta was trying not to cry. Her struggle made me really sad and disturbed.

This entire incident made me think of the mentality of elderly people. I do not understand why does anybody need to ask the couple about their family planning.

In today's world there are many hurdles towards family planning. First is the stability in their profession. After completing the education it takes 3 to 5 years to get stabilized in the profession. After that there will always be opportunities towards promotion at the same time there will be a fear of recession or layoffs. In today's world where we know layoffs are very common then it becomes really difficult to take on any responsibility that would add to the financial struggles. Accept it or not, the reality is that having kids is expensive nowadays. If you are struggling with finances then the decision to start the family should be postponed.

Other than financial aspect there comes the aspect regarding the health. Nowadays a lot of health problems start in 20s or 30s which earlier would start in 50s or 60th. Each individual should first focus on resolving their own health issues before planning to start a family. Simply because if you are not able to take care of yourself, you would not be take care of another member who is completely dependent on you.

Next issue is with respect to the preparedness of the parents. A lot of people easily jump on to ask the couple when they are starting the family. However nobody even ask them if they are ready to start the family. Rather I believe this question should not be asked at all. It should completely be at the discretion of the couple if they want to have children or when they want to have children.

Considering all the aspects I am a strong believer that the question of when are you starting the family is completely inappropriate. This question should never be asked. Let the couple decide themselves. Let them decide if they want to have children. Let the couple decide when do they want to have children. The couple consists of 2 grown adult individuals who know what is good for them and have the capacity to make the decisions for themselves. Do not embarrass them or yourself by asking the question "when are you planning to start the family".