Lake

I always felt like I was a lake,
not as strong as the sea,
or as big or deep as the ocean,
nor as determined as a river
that knows it must join the sea.
I was always called a sensitive child.
Well , it makes sense.
As a lake, my whole life has been stagnant,
and my emotions , the way I feel things ,
were the only thing that kept me
from drying up .
Sadness always came like rain,
filling me up,
In a way keeping me alive.
Joy was always a reflection on the surface:
really pretty while it lasted,
real to an extent,
but mostly just an illusion
that vanished when there is ripple or a tide.
But you know what?
I like being a lake most of the time.
Like I'm just there feeling everything just existing , breathing I like it.
But sometimes I feel awfully limited.
I can feel everything.
I can see the sky , vast, endless ,
but no matter how hard I try,
I can’t be that free you know
In some way I'm
always held back by the land.
So it just makes me wonder what if just what if I was a river or a sea
Just flowing wherever, taking risk, courageous enough to just face it all atleast for once ; not barely existing.
Jesus keep a note please ,
If there is a next life,
I'm hoping there will be
Please not a lake ,
anything else but not a lake.