Others first, ALWAYS

As a young girl another lesson that was taught to me was "NEEDS OF OTHERS ALWAYS COME FIRST. YOU MUST SACRIFICE YOUR DREAMS TO FULLFILL THOSE OF OTHERS".

This was one of the lessons which I disliked right from the beginning. When I was told this I asked several questions: why should others' needs come first? Why others are so important? Why should I need not be prioritized? Am I insignificant enough to be ignored? I could not understand the logic behind that theory.

Yet as a young obedient girl I did follow the lesson. I tried to act selflessly and sacrificed a lot of what I felt was rightfully mine. I gave away the bigger piece of food to someone else while I wanted it for myself. I gave away the favourite accessory to someone else because they liked it to. I gave away my new outfit to someone because they wanted to wear it. While doing so I was required to pretend to be happy though I was sad. I had to pretend that everything that I was giving away held no importance in my life and others happiness made to me. However in reality everything was dear to me. My heart broke whenever I was handing over my personal belongings to someone. I felt deep pain when they returned them to me in bad condition or worse broken. Even in that case I was required to smile through my tears and pretend as if their irresponsible behaviour and mishandling was forgiven.

While acting selflessly I realised that I was hurting myself. While making others happy I was making myself feel sad. I realised that a good deed that does not make us happy could not be a good deed after all. I felt that all the sacrifices that I had been making were in vain.

Then I thought otherwise. Maybe I am selfish. But why should I not be selfish in my own life? When others are expecting me to sacrifice something for them, they are acting selfish as well. In that case why their selfishness is acceptable but not mine? Why they are important enough to expect a lot from me but I should not consider myself important to be happy?

This was a realisation that I got only when I was in 30s (yes, 30s have been eye opening for me). I decided to unlearn this lesson. I was tired of putting myself at the pedestal. I decided to prioritize myself. This is when I changed my mantra, "I am my first priority".

I stopped sacrificing my needs to fulfill the needs of others. I said no when others expected me to selflessly donate everything to them. Of course when I decided to prioritize myself the response from others was lukewarm. Suddenly I had become selfish and unreasonable. They told me that I had changed and they were not liking this change. In reality their free rides and lunches were gone and they were upset only about it.

Unlearning the lesson of others first made me see the true colours of people. I realised that people did not approach to me because I was researchful. I could see in reality who were the true friends and who were freeloaders. This unlearning help me to survive and see the real world.

If you are reading this I would urge you to unlearn this lesson if you ever were taught it.