Maintaining relations

"Hi. How are you? We have not spoken in a while. Just checking how you are doing", I texted my friend Lata. I scrolled through our chat. Her last message was almost 3 months ago, to wish me on my birthday.

With a little disappointment and sadness I placed my phone away. In the silence I thought about how difficult it is to manage relationships in 30s.

Lata and I had been friends from school. After school both of us different streams. Lata decided to go for Arts stream. While I opted for the science stream. Lata completed her bachelor's degree with specialisation in psychology. While I became a registered pharmacist. Lata became a student counsellor. I started working with the corporate pharmaceutical industry. Despite our different streams and professions we continued to stay in touch with each other all these years. We would often speak on phone and sometimes meet as well.

Later Lata's waiting was fixed. I helped her with her shopping as well as for certain formalities. I helped her family to make the wedding arrangements as well. I ensured that legal paper work towards registation of marriage was completed on time and submitted to the authorities. During this time I was practically living at Lata's home and her family appreciated the much needed support.

After Lata's marriage as well we stayed in touch. Our regular conversations became irregular but still did not disappear. Instead of meeting at restaurant Lata now preferred to meet either at my home or at hers. But still our conversation and contact was maintained.

Then Lata got pregnant. Because of certain issues the doctors had asked her for a complete bed rest. During this time as well our conversations and meetings continued. I would visit her at her home at least once in 15 days.

When Lata delivered her baby everything changed. Our conversations became rare. At the baby was young I too avoided going to her place to minimise the risk of any infection to her or baby. Lata would hardly get any time for herself. Lata was drowning in baby care. I completely understood it was difficult to have some time to be spared for our friendship. However I had not expected that this is where our friendship would start to crack.

Lata was completely occupied with baby, her job, and household responsibilities. She repretatively told me that she had not been able to find the time to call or text me. I understood and told her that she should not worry about me. Even when Lata's baby became 5 year old she still was not able to find the time for herself.

Over the years I had started accepting that this is the time in women's life where they have to priorities family over friendships. This is the time where life long friendships start to get de-prioritized. Though friends want to stay in touch that time is not kind towards them. Somehow friendship start fading away.

This is one of the struggles during 30s where maintaining friendship and relationships become difficult. Most of the times it is not the will issue but the circumstances are too cruel to continue with friendships. Low maintenance friendships too start appearing impossible to manage. Ultimately no one is at fault here but it is completely acceptable when the priority of the life change.