Letting go to Something and Reaching out to Something

After having realised that it was not within my passions to become an architectural engineer, I was surrounded with doubts of what i would do next. Multiple possibilities dor once weren’t as exciting as they used to sound. Terror and confusion overtook me and I succumbed into constant anxiety.
At the age of 14, having decided your life goal was important. What you would do in your career, what degree that entailed and what stream would you choose after your boards to achieve this degree. These were ques that circles around this decision of career.
I started exploring ideas, picking grown up brains and reaching out to people who could provide informal career counselling. I was surprised at how many different career paths were taken by people worldwide, and somehow most of them had done it because they were passionate about their choices in them.
I aaked my friends what inspired them to become a doctor or and engineer. Unfortunately, none of their choicws was influenced by passion or desire. Some said it was what they were supposed to do and others said that it was what they have always known to be a worthy profession. Science was the only way to go forward and the choice was only between Biology or Mathematics for them.
I explored the internet, read about people in psychology, sports, fine arts, astrology and many different things. None of these things sparked anything in me. It was tough to believe that discovering your passion was such an investigative job. I always thought it would just come to me. Apparently that wasn’t it.
With these doubts and concerns at the back of my mind, I still carried on with my daily life and school schedule as per life’s pace.
My school held multiple competitions and extra curricular activities ranging from singing, dancing, essay writing, declamation, plays, quiz etc to sports such as races, table tennis, badminton, chess etc.
I often participated in most of these, honestly because I was always inclined to win something.
In January of my 9th grade, with acade session about to close, declamation was just around the corner.
Declamation was a oratory competition, students were supposed to write their speeches or pick one from history and deliver it by heart. Many of my competitors chose to pick out a speech from history books to be on the safe side. For days, I tried to memorise one such speech but could not do it, I always missed a “the” or an “and” or forgot the beginning of the sentence.
We were due to aubmit out intended speeches to the panel on the following saturday and I decided to write a speech on my homeland. The nect day, I submitted it to one of the panelist. It was my literature teacher. He took the slip from my hand and read it in silence for a good 10 minutes. After this he took out his specs and looked at me. He asked “you are delivering this for the competition?”
My heart sank and i said with uncertainty “yes, sir”
he looked away and spoke at a low pace “I do not believe people your age would understand this. It is highly philosophical.” and then he smiled.
HE SMILED!
the teacher who was always serious, SMILED!
I delivered the speech and won first prize in the competition.
Then on, something began to change in my life.