how it’s going

Umm… I don’t really know what I’m doing on this app but I just wanted to write my feelings. I don’t know if there’s a certain thing I’m supposed to write on but uhh… here it goes. I’m gonna call myself Mya and call my sister Mia and my boyfriend Dino. So I’ll start with my sister first. Mia has a lot of mental health problems. She cuts herself and stuff like that. My parents said I have to take care of her and make sure she don’t do things like that anymore. It scares me because they’re putting all this pressure on me and what if Mia ends herself? It would be my fault that I wasn’t there to stop her. Every time she has something sharp like scissors I freak out because what if she’s cutting herself again? I kinda have problems too. I’ve seeing a school therapist. It’s called Crossroads and now this stuff is happening with my sister and she needs a therapist too. My mom wants to put her in but my mom said if the school sees that I’m in therapy and so is my sister they’re gonna think stuff is going on in the household. My mental health isn’t as bad as hers so I feel like I shouldn’t be in crossroads and that Mia needs it more. I feel selfish that I’m in it and not her when she needs more help than I do. Now let’s talk about Dino. I keep thinking Dino is gonna break up with me because we barely talk as much as we used to. We would be on the phone for hours day wnd night every single day. Now it be like twice a week and not even for a full 30 minutes. I know since school started back up me and him both been very busy but even when he’s not busy he just… doesn’t call or text. I keep thinking he finds me boring or annoying now or that he found a new girl and talks to her now. Me and Dino doesn’t go to the same school he moved during the summer so I don’t even get to see the dude. What if he is cheating? He likes making jokes about it but I really do get scared and really insecure. He also stopped saying I love you to me. And he doesn’t turn his camera on anymore. He doesn’t even want to match clothes anymore. And I know I didn’t say this before but I also want to talk about my parents. My parents need to get a divorce. They fight non stop, my dad is cheating on my mom and she doesn’t even know yet. My dad doesn’t even help my mom with money problems. He makes her do it on her own and when she can’t get it done in time he’ll get mad at her for that. On the first day back to school, he didn’t help her at all with getting school outfits or school supplies. He just left her to do it herself. When we were about to get evicted from the apartment. She had to do it herself. And on the weekends my dad kids would come over. I don’t think I mentioned this but I am the 3rd oldest. It does my older brother, my older sister (she doesn’t live with us) and then me. Mia is after me and then it’s the two youngest. The two youngest and my older sister are my dad kids (kids he had with different women) my older sister lives with her mom in a different state so I only get to see my two youngest. I know I’m supposed to love them but they are actually the worst. They both got to sleep in my room, which is completely stupid, they would stay up all night yelling and hitting each other. One of them would eat everything. Like actually, we would have just gotten a giant jar of pickles and it’ll be gone the day she gets there. The other one has autism. He can be good sometimes, just kind of hard to get him to focus. I don’t really know how to explain it. It be the little girl that be causing the problems. She also got a bad attitude. He would talk back, push people, hit people. And as soon as someone put her in line she goes and tells. Oh and my mom and dad dont even be here on the weekend cause they got work. So I have to watch Mia to make sure she doesn’t harm herself, I got to deal with my parents arguing and fighting, and on the weekends I got to do all that on top of watching the two youngest and trying to stop them from fighting. I just wish I can get a break from everything but I can’t. And I don’t really got anyone to talk about it with cause Dino is busy all the time and I don’t wanna burden him with all this, my friends at school be busy and most of them aren’t even my actual friends (they are really fake), and I can’t talk to my family about… family problems. I think that’s all. I’m feeling a little better that I just typed all that.