Children

Children. How to define children? Angels send by the God or Minions send by the devil? Are not there little bit of both? I always thought children belong to the category of the second one. I was always afraid of children.

Being a woman you should be loving and caring by default, this is what I was told right from my childhood. I was the youngest in my family. Yet when one of my elder cousins child was born I was expected to love and take care of it. I was a child myself. The worst part was that I never liked children. Let alone, being in contact with them made me scared for my life. One reason why I used to dislike children is because of the loud noises. I do not like loud noises. In fact I cannot tolerate the loud noises. The whistle of the cooker, the noise of falling pots, the loud noises in the traffic signal, the loud noises of shouting and screaming - everything made me uncomfortable and uneasy. I had a power to mute the world, I had used it long ago. I hate loud noises and hence I hate crying children. I had certain tolerance in decibels and children would always cross that. This was the primary reason I would not like children.

Secondary and why I would not like children it's because there constant movement. Hold a child for 5 seconds and you would be slapped and kicked. I was not interested in getting physically abused and get entertainment by it. I was not ready for that and hence I would never hold a child.

Third reason why I dislike children was there constant release of bodily fluids and substances. I guess I do not have to elaborate that. You know what I mean. I have no enthusiasm towards getting bathed in someone elses bodily fluids and substances.

These are some of the reasons why I used to dislike children. I would not visit any relative or friend who had given birth. I would cite the reason that I am unwell and I may be contagious. This was a sound reason. I would always have cough or cold and hence I would avoid going anywhere. By telling a postpartum woman that I am avoiding her because of my health condition is a sensible answer. Most of the time I would get away with this reason. I was also called a very caring person because of the way I avoided meeting someone because of my health issues.

But my fort came crashing when I became an aunt. My sister had given birth to my nephew. This is when I had to shed away my protective wall. I took care of him when he was crying loudly. I took care of him while he released his bodily substances on me. I carrying it him and paced around the room while he kicked me and slapped me. It was a torture but it was to help my family. I endured my irrational fear despite it bothered me. Because it was for helping my family.

This protective wall was removed exclusively for my nephew. Once he grew up, I rebuilt it. Even today I decline to take care of any other children. I know no one can force me. I know I would not be guilt tripped into carrying for a newborn. The only difference now is that I know I am not scared of children but I have realised that I simply do not like children. I am not afraid to speak about my opinion. I am not afraid being judged. I am okay if someone calls me heartless. I will be safe in my fortress.