all weight on one side 🍂

I'm tired of waiting for your messages, calls, initiating every time,
It's exhausting.
I'm tired.

So,I want to choose myself over you unlike every other time.
I know you were busy so was I.
I know you have priorities but sadly I never noticed that I'm not one of them.
I know you family responsibilities i understand that but you were my home, where I can run when I'm sad unlike my real one.
I know you are building your life but here mine was breaking apart.
I know you have alot on your plate but as far as I know i was sharing some of your side dishes but when it's my turn I'm eating here all alone while having panic attacks.


I never expected you to share my problems, i expected atleast you'll be there cheering for me while I'm dealing with them.
I had breakups and moved on quietly but this one is making alot of noise,
Maybe it's not a breakup, it's heart break.
Thanks for giving me this experience of abundance after so long.
You woke myself up which i buried under bitter memories for the sake of myself.
I can deal if this is just a relationship and if you are not above me.
But now i don't know how to deal with this because you are not just a relationship or nor over myself.


But I'll learn. I'll accept realities even it makes my heart ache.
So I'll use my own way.
Don't call me.
Don't text me.
Don't even look at me even when I'm infront of you.


It's never me,it's always you.
I still believe it's your loss.
You lost a well wisher.
You lost someone who mentioned you in their prayers before themselves.
And i lost someone who doesn't care until they need me,until I make the first move,until they are bored,until they are done with everything or maybe until my birthday or death day.

If you don't understand this exactlyyy you don't get me!


But I'm grateful!
Thank you for clicking my pictures.
Thank you for listening to my bullshit.
Thank you for the calls you never pick up.
Thank you for texting you never replied.
Thank you for never calling back like you said in the end of our last call.
Thank you for cheering for me in back stage.
Thank you for making me realise how good human being i am.

Thank you for taking care of me even it's for very short period, really I'm grateful.

I'll share these stories with my children (if i have someday)
Don't worry I'll tell we had a "happy ending."

~lilly 🥀