Who am I

I am a college student in this world. My parents care about me so much and they live me and I love them with my whole heart. They are doing anything and everything to make my life easy. They brought me a laptop and enrolled me in a good college in my city. They enrolled me in the best school even though they could not afford it. They took loans to pay my school fees. I studied and got a scholarship that does not cost them much.

There are a lot of loans to be paid. House loans and education loan and credit card bills that have to be paid. My mother and my brother is the only work going person in family right now. My father became unwell to go to work. So it is my mother who came forward and took the responsibility.

I am also trying to get a job to help my parents but my college is full day and to be honest I cannot find any opportunity for earning. I have been searching for the last 6 month and yet I could not find any reliable oppertunity. I just wish to help my parents. They are not asking for my help. They don't need to. I don't deserve their love. They deserve a better child who is able to earn even while studying and not a leech who sucks the soul out of them.

I have also reduced the food intake. I have reduced meeting my friends outside to reduce the cost. I have stopped asking to buy me anything including clothes and other things. I just wanted a job so that I could contribute something.

I will be able to get a full fledged job only after 2 years. I have to get placed in the college campus for a good salary to repay them and to live a good life. I have being a burden. Being the waste one in the family that could not do anything.

I just became silent. I am making some money but that is not permenent. I also want to study well in college and retain the rank so that I can get the allowance that the college egives for the top rank holders.

Throughout my day I switch patterns between different worlds. One moment I am thinking about debugging a program and in another moment I am making a worksheet for English. And then I am watching a series that I always wanted to bit feel guilty about it cause I was not doing anything productive.

And then I keep thinking how fast paced the world has become. The attention span they call it have reduced drastically. I was watching all the reels is x2 speed. I am watching the series in the x2 speed. I am almost jogging to no matter which place I am going. My nerves are always active and thus I am unable to sleep. I get maximum 6 hours sleep during my Holidays and the college time is almost the same.

Somedays I am bone tired and somedays I am energetic and full of ideas. I always need to speak to my mother because I am all she can talk to. I wish I could be young forever and make memories with family and friends and make a lot of money to keep us happy and safe.

One day.

One day .

One day.