What the porridge

I was having breakfast with my friend Sushma in the office cafeteria. We were joined by an uninvited colleague Rajesh. As soon as he decided to join us Sushma and I looked at each other knowing very well that this is not going to be a fun breakfast because everything we say, do, or eat will meet with an "expert" comment from Rajesh who had returned from the US after living their for 3 years.

I had apples and muskmelon in my tiffin for breakfast. Sushma had Upma in her tiffin. Rajesh joined us who was carrying cornflakes and milk for breakfast. He sat down and he did not waste a single second to criticize. He dived in straight with the breakfast.

"Hey buddy, are you on diet? Just eating fruits," Rajesh asked me.

"You may say that. I find it comfortable having fruits in the morning," I tried not to sound sarcastic. I hate it when people see me eating fruits and assume I am on diet. I simply do not like any comments made towards food.

Then he turned his attention to Sushma's tiffin, "Sushma eating upma. Man Indian know nothing about having something healthy," Rajesh had to criticize.

"How is this not healthy Rajesh? There are plenty of vegetables in it. Plus it is savoury which makes it a good breakfast option" Sushma too was equally irritated and she did not even try to hide her feelings.

"Oh man. Simple comment and you guys start fighting. See there is nothing good about these Indian breakfast items. They are packed with carbs and sugars. No protein, minerals, or vitamins. Just everything over processed. In the US I used to have amazing breakfasts. I used to get amazing oats, quinnoa, cornflakes for breakfast. I miss that", Rajesh was remembering his days.

When he started criticizing Indian food, I had lost my patience. Warriors spirit takes over me when anybody says anything bad about India. I am okay with a real criticism but unnecessary bringing India down to elevate another country is not I am okay with. I knew it was a fight for my motherland and I was ready for it. Sushma looked at me. It was our signal to attack. I started first by bringing back my sarcastic tone, "Rajesh what did you add to your porridge while you were in the US?"

He thought I was genuinely asking. He definitely did not catch the hint of sarcasm, "Nothing just milk and oats" he responded.

"Oh so just carbs and sugars. Understood," I smiled and looked back at Sushma to tell that now it was her turn.

"God Rajesh, that was really careless of you. You had been eating foods loaded with sugars every morning. You should have added at least some vegetables or sprouts for additional nutrients. No wonder you gained weight," Sushma did amazing job. Though I never appreciated comments about weight but Rajesh had it coming.

"Hey fruits and vegetables were not available easily for me. But I tried to eat healthy," Rajesh was defensive now.

"You tried to eat healthy means you knew you were not eating healthy. Got it. Tell me something, you have access to fruits and vegetables here. Why are you not topping them in your breakfast? Even right now you are just eating carbs and sugar. I feel bad for you," I said with a noticeable hint of sympathy.

I let Sushma take the last swipe at him, "it is unfortunate Rajesh. You don't act as you preech. You feel proud to criticize the Indian food just to elevate your unhealthy 'American' porridge that is of lowest nutritional value".

Rajesh was fuming by this point. Sushma and I were smiling victoriously. I was sure by this time that Rajesh would never dine with us or if he did he would not comment on food.