Water for No Reason

Some days, water just comes out of my eyes. It’s not because I’m hurt. Or because someone was mean. It just happens.

Today was one of those days. I was sitting on my bed. The sun was making a bright square on my floor. I was watching the dust float around in it. It looked kind of pretty. Then I felt my throat get tight. And my eyes got hot.

One tear slipped out. It was warm on my cheek. Then another one came. And another. I wasn't making any noise. I wasn't sobbing like in the movies. It was just quiet. Like a secret rainstorm that only I could feel.

I tried to think of a reason. Did something bad happen at school? No. Am I worried about something? I don't think so. It felt like a big, heavy blanket was put on me for a minute. A blanket made of a feeling that has no name. It's too big for words.

Then I heard my mom walking down the hall. Her footsteps got closer. I wiped my face really fast with the back of my hand. I blinked a lot. I took a deep breath, the kind that makes your chest feel a little better. I tried to look like the me from five minutes ago.

She opened the door and smiled. She asked if I wanted to help with dinner. I said okay. My voice sounded a little bit thick, like I had a cold. But she didn't notice. She just said to wash my hands.

And that was it. The rainstorm stopped. The heavy blanket was gone. Nobody saw. And that feels okay. It’s like a thing that is only mine. A secret river inside me. I don’t need anyone to see it. I just need to let it flow for a little while. And then I can go help with dinner.