The weight of Birthdays

Birthdays are supposed to be happy days. Everyone around you expect excitement celebration, cake candles, as people say things like “make a wish” and “this is your special day” even they send message wishing you the best year ever but for me, birthdays often feel surprisingly heavy instead of joy, the day that should feel light and fun end up carrying, a strange weight, that’s hard to explain to others.

In my experience, I usually end up crying on my birthday. It happens even when everything looks fine on the outside. Sometimes the years come quietly in the morning while I am still in the bed and other time, they show up at the night when the day is almost over and the message has stopped. I don’t always know exactly why the sadness appear. One year it might Be because of a small disappointment of another year. It’s just a quite heavy feeling that buildup slowly. It feels strange because this is the one day, everyone says you are supposed to be happy person in the room. Instant I often find myself sitting alone, feeling emotional for reason i can’t fully put into words. When I sit and think about it, maybe birthday makes me notice how time is passing so quickly another year has gone by which means another set of memory, some happy ones and some that are not so good. They also bring up thoughts about relationships and expectations from people around. Do the people in my life truly care about me or are they just going through the motion because it’s the expected things to do? The pressure to feel happy and excited on the day can actually makes us sadness feel even stronger. You start, wondering if something is wrong with you for not feeling the way other, expect you to feel.

I hope I am not the only person who feels this way on their birthday. Many people carry mixed emotions of specialties like this. These days can remind us of what we have right now in life. What we have lost over the years or what we are still hoping for in the future to be very honest, expectation Kill people. It’s not just birthday, but or other big milestone, often bring up feelings We don’t see coming and don’t know how to handle.

I’m slowly learning to accept these emotional stand of feeling guilty about them. It’s okay if my birthday does not look like the happy pictures and video people post. Online motions are not always simple or logical, and that is fine. For now. I try to keep the day, gentle and easy on myself, maybe a quiet walk outside, eating a favourite meal or just resting without forcing myself to celebrate loudly or to pretend to be super excited.

Well, I hope that one day my birthday will feel peaceful and light instead of heavy. Until that happen, I want to be kind and with myself on these days, there is no wrong way to feel on your birthday. I am learning to sit with whatever emotions came out and trust that they are part of who I am becoming.