the time when it all starts to hit back

turning 20 this year, and I feel this is the time when every decision that I ever took be it aggressive, emotional, sudden, out of pressure, out of fear, out of jealousy, out of hatred and out of anger, it all starts to hit back.

when we enter teenage, we all develope new interests and most of us have this urge to explore the world, explore the trends, live our life as much as we can. Same way, I too started to feel things, started observing people, noticing my surroundings, and somehow always felt that others always had a better life than me.

No matter what I had, no matter what I achieved, no matter how kind and humble I was, I started to slowly fall for the materialistic things that I shouldn’t!

Whenever something extravagant used to happen in someone’s life, I used to wonder,

“God, why not me?”, “Why my friend gets to go for a trip this young but I don’t?”, “Why her dress is always the prettiest in the room but never mine?”, “why my friends own their personal phones, but I still don’t get to have one?”

Slowly all these thoughts, all these feelings start filling up inside us, changing the way we perceive, changing our mindset, changing our way of tackling things out, changing US and what makes us “US”, and suddenly we all start to see our loved ones as the Culprits, the people who never stop prioritising us before themselves, the people who work days and nights just to fulfil our necessities, the people who who would go to any extent just to see us happy, Our Parents.

And somehow in this process of admiring the external beauty, the materialistic things, we start criticising them, that they aren’t doing enough?

ENOUGH? this word can actually never be enough for the sacrifices they make for us and still we keep hurting them, keep criticising them, keep taunting them, never realising how much power our words hold and how it can be a wound for them forever.

Same way, I used to have these thoughts , I used to feel, “oh, my parents are too strict!”, “my parents can never understand me”, “my mom never gives me any freedom”. All these thoughts started piling up, raging me, making me against them, and despite sharing the same roof, I never actually felt they are my family, my everything, even after being loved so much all my childhood. I suddenly started feeling, “where did all that love and care go?, Nowadays all they do is scold me and give me life lessons.”

Till my 10th standard, my mom always used to say, “Don’t misbehave or else I’ll send you to hostel”, and I thought “She hates me”. After 10th standard, we both realised my school life’s about to end in a couple of years, and I developed some brain🙂‍↔️, and slowly

Things started to change…

I slowly realised, my mom never actually wanted me to go hostel, she always wanted her daughter to stay beside her! She started saying, “I’m never gonna send you to hostel, I want you by my side” and that’s when it all started to hit me, because this time I somewhere knew, that I had to go to a different city for college, and despite the fact that I never wanted to leave her side, I had to go once the school ended.

The woman, who never ever imagined what she would leave my side for once, now lives alone in the house , waiting for her daughter to come back on holidays, just to meet her, calls her daughter five times a day, just to hear her voice, just to make sure she’s okay!

That’s when it all hits! All the decisions, all that anger we vent out on them, all the criticism they had to face, everything, and that’s when we all start to regret it!

So take this as a lesson, as an advice, and a suggestion or even a random thought, but please never ever criticise your parents for not giving the things you wanted, for not doing enough, because no matter what we do, we’ll never be able to repay them for the sacrifices they make for us. Love them, make them proud, make them happy, make them feel valued❤️