The Things I Never Say Out Loud

There are so many things I think about but never actually say. Sometimes I have a whole conversation in my head with someone and then when I actually get the chance to talk to them, I just say “it’s fine” and move on. I don’t know why it’s so difficult to say what we really feel. Maybe we’re scared of being misunderstood, maybe we don’t want to look too sensitive, or maybe we just don’t want to make things awkward. I often wonder how many people around me are doing the exact 

same thing. We all have things we wish we could say, but somehow keeping them inside feels easier. There are times when I want to tell someone that I miss them, but instead I wait for them to text first. Sometimes I want to say that something they did hurt me, but I stay quiet because I don’t want an argument. There are also moments when I’m genuinely proud of someone, but I don’t always say it because I assume they already know. The funny thing is, we expect people to understand our feelings without actually explaining them. We get upset when someone doesn’t notice that we’re having a bad day, even though we told them “I’m okay.” I’ve done that so many times myself. I’ve realized that silence can protect you from an uncomfortable conversation, but it can also create distance between people.

Sometimes the things we don’t say stay in our heads for much longer than they need to. I’ve also learned that being honest about your feelings doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t mean you have to tell everyone everything. It just means that with the people you trust, you should be able to say what is actually going on inside your head. Maybe they won’t always understand, and maybe the conversation won’t go exactly how you imagined, but at least you’ll know you tried. I think some of the most important conversations in our lives are the ones we keep postponing. A simple “I miss you,” “I’m sorry,” “That hurt me,” or even “I’m proud of you” can mean so much when it comes from the right person. Life is already unpredictable, and we don’t really know how much time we have with the people we care about. I don’t want to reach a point where I have a list of things I wish I had said. So I’m slowly learning to speak up, even when my voice shakes a little or I feel awkward doing it. I may not always say exactly what I’m feeling, but I’m trying. Maybe that’s enough for now.

What are you still carrying that you are ready to set down? Say it here.