the person you become when nobody’s watching

There is a version of me that nobody really knows and sometimes i think that version is the most honest one it exists when im alone in my room , when there is no one to impress no conversation to maintain and no expectations to meet i can spend hours doing absolutely nothing talking to myself , listening to the same song repeatedly , imagining conversations that will probably never happen , or starring at the ceiling and thinking about my entire life , It sounds ordinary but I think there is something beautiful about the person we become when nobody is watching In public, we are constantly adjusting ourselves. We think about how we look, how we sound, whether we are being too loud, too quiet, too emotional, too distant, too much, or not enough. We learn how to become versions of ourselves that other people are comfortable with. But when we are alone, all those rules disappear I sometimes laugh at things that would make no sense to anyone else. I dance badly without caring how ridiculous I look I replay old memories and suddenly feel embarrassed about something thathappened five years ago  I sometimes create entire imaginary futures in my head and then become emotionally attached to people and places that do not even exist , There are also moments when I sit quietly and realize how tired I actually am. That is perhaps the strangest part. When nobody is watching, there is no reason to pretend that everything is fine. You can admit that you miss someone. You can admit that something hurt you, You can admit that you are scared of the future, even if you spent the entire day telling everyone that you have everything figured out ,  I think solitude reveals the things we hide from ourselves while we are busy being around other people It shows us what we actually enjoy, what we actually fear, and what we actually want. Sometimes, I wonder if the person I am alone is the person I should try to become more often around others. Not because I should stop caring about people,  but because maybe I should stop editing myself so much. Growing up, I thought becoming mature meant knowing how to behave around everyone, Now I think it also means knowing who you are when nobody is there to tell you who you should be. Maybe the quiet version of us deserves attention too. Maybe she has dreams that got buried under expectations, opinions, comparisons, and the constant need to appear okay , Maybe she knows exactly what makes her happy but is too afraid to say it out loud. The person you become when nobody is watching is not  necessarily your best version or your worst version. She is simply the version that does not need permission to exist. And perhaps the real goal is not to completely change that person, but to slowly become comfortable enough with yourself that you no longer feel the need to hide her.

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