The life I want but would never explain

There is a life I sometimes imagine that I don't know how to explain to people without making it sound unrealistic. It isn't the kind of life that would look impressive on a resume. There is no prestigious position, expensive apartment, perfect career or carefully planned five-year strategy in it. In fact if I described it honestly some people might think I had wasted everything I worked for.

Sometimes I want to disappear somewhere for away, into a quiet village where nobody knows my name or cares about what I studied how much I earn, or what I am supposed to become. I imagine finding a small place there and spending my days teaching children. Not just teaching them what is written in textbooks. But teaching them how to think. How to question things,how to treat people how to stand up for themselves, and how not to become cruel simply because the world has been cruel to them. I want them to grow into good people, even if nobody ever gives them certificates for it.

I don't imagine staying there forever. That is another strange part of the life I want I want to leave after some time. I want to pack a bag say goodbye to people I have grown attached to and go somewhere else Another village Another town,Another. Place. Where I know nobody. I want to keep moving before familanty turns into another cage.

But I don't want to be alone.

I want a ridiculous group of friends made up of different kinds of people, different genders, different personalities, people who can arqie about absolutely nothing and then langhabout it five minutes later. I want friendships where nobody is constantly trying to look mature or impressive. I want conversations that go nowhere. Stupid jokes that become funnier because they make no sense, spontaneous plans, late night laughter, and the kind of freedom where nobody has to carefully edit themselves.

I want to help people without needing to become known for helping them. I want to do things that disappear after they are done. Teach someone Protect someone stand beside someone Leave something better than I found it and then walk away without needing applause.

Sometimes I imagine a completely different version of my life too. Something almost historical and ridiculous. If had lived centuries ago ,I would want to be the woman who was clever enough to recognize injustice and reckless enough to fight against it. I would want to stand beside people during a rebellion, not because I wanted a status built for me afterwards but because there are some things I would rather risk my life fighting against than spend my whole life quietly accepting.

Maybe this is why I rarely explain this life to anyone . It doesn't sound stable. It doesn't sound practical. It doesn't even sound particularly successful.

But perhaps that is exactly why I secretly want it I don't want a life that looks extraordinary from a distance. I want one that alive when I am inside it.

And maybe I would rather have a strange. Unfinished life that belongeds completely to me than a perfectly respectable one that everyone else could understand.