The Importance of Being Kind to Yourself

We are often told to be kind to other people, but I think we sometimes forget that we also need to be kind to ourselves. It is very easy to forgive someone else for  making a mistake, while being extremely hard on ourselves for doing the exact same thing. We expect ourselves to always make the right decisions, look our best, be productive, understand everything quickly and somehow have our entire future figured out. When we cannot do all of this, we start feeling like we are not doing enough. I have noticed that I can be much more critical of myself than I would ever be of someone I care about. If a friend told me that they made a mistake, I would probably tell them that mistakes are normal and that they should not be so hard on themselves. But when I make a mistake, I sometimes keep thinking about it for days and wonder why I could not have done better. Maybe this is because we know all our own weaknesses. We know about the things we regret, the opportunities we missed and the moments when we could have behaved differently. Other people usually only see a small part of us, but we have to live with our own thoughts all the time. That can make it difficult to see ourselves fairly. Being kind to yourself does not mean making excuses for everything you do. It does not mean avoiding responsibility or refusing to improve. It simply means understanding that you are human and that you are allowed to have bad days. Sometimes you can be tired without being lazy. You can fail at something without being a failure. You can need a break without feeling guilty about it. I think we have become so used to comparing ourselves with other people that we forget everyone is dealing with something different. We see someone’s achievements, their confidence, their appearance or their happy moments, but we usually do not see the difficult parts of their life. Comparing our entire life to the small part of someone else’s life that we see is obviously unfair, but we still do it. Social media makes this even easier because everyone seems to be moving ahead while we feel stuck in the same place. There are times when I have looked at other people’s lives and wondered why I am not doing as well as them, only to remind myself that I do not know what their life is actually like. Everyone has their own timing. Some people figure things out early, while others take longer, and neither one makes a person more successful or more valuable. I think being kind to yourself also means accepting that you are still learning. You do not have to have everything figured out just because you are getting older. There will always be things you do not know and mistakes you have not made yet. What matters is that you keep learning from them instead of constantly punishing yourself for not being perfect. At the end of the day, you spend more time with yourself than with anyone else, so the way you speak to yourself really matters. 

What is one thing future-you will be glad you started today? Name the first small step.