the day I stopped waiting for permission

For a long time, I thought I was waiting for the right movement.

I toldyswlf I would begin what I was more prepared.

When I had more confidence.

When I knew exactly what I was doing.

When the circumstances were better.

When someone told me that I was ready.

I never said it out loud, but I was waiting for permission.

Not necessarily from one particular person.

I was waiting for life to give me some kind of official announcement.

You can begin now. You are ready. You are allowed to try.

That announcement never came.

One ordinary day, I was sitting with the same Idea. I had been carrying for months. I had thought about it repeatedly I had imagined how it could work. I had listed all the possible problems.

I had done everything except begin.

And suddenly, I became tired of myself.

I realized that I had been using preparation as a more respectable form of fear.

I called it Planning.

I called it being realistic.

I called it waiting for the right time.

But underneath all those explanation was the. Same simple truth:

I was afraid.

Afraid of failing and afraid of being judged. Afraid of discovering that I wasn't as capable as I wanted to believe.

Afraid that I have tried and failed, I would lose the comfort of saying I could have don't it if I tried.

As long as I never began the possibility remained perfect. The memont I started it could began real and real things can fail. That day I finally understand something.

Nobody was coming to make me feel ready. Nobody was going to rraive with a certificate proving that I had become confident enough. Nobody could garantee that I could succed.

There would always be another reason to wait. So I began. It was not dramatic. I didn't suddenly became fearless. My hands still hesitated. My mind still clearly created reason to stop. But I took the first step anyway.

And strangely the world did not collaspe. Nothing magical happened. I was still uncertain. I still had lot to learn. But I was no longer standing outside my own life waiting for permission to enter. There will always be more to learn.

I was not ready. Because I understood that I can never feel ready. And sometimes the first step is not taken by the person who is fearless. It is taken nu the person who is tired of waiting for fear to disappear.