The day I became tried of being understanding

I think there is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from always understanding everyone. You understand why someone didn't call because they were busy. You understand why they forgot because they had too much going on. You understand why they spoke harshly because they were angry. You understand why they hurt you because they were hurting too. After a while you become so good at finding explanations for people's behaviour that you stop asking whether their behaviour was actually acceptable.

I have done this more times than I want to admit. Someone disappoints me, and before, I even allow myself to feel angry. I start constructing excuses for them. Maybe they didn't mean it. Maybe they were stressed.Maybe they didn't realize. Maybe they have their own problems. Maybe I am expecting roo much. I can always find a reason for someone else's actions. The problem is that nobody seems to search that hard for reasons when I am the one who is hurt.

There is something almost humiliating about being the person who always understands. People become comfortable with your understanding. They start expecting forgiveness before they have even apologized. They assume you will adjust because you have adjusted before. They know you will eventually calm down, eventually respond, eventually return, eventually make everything easier for them. Your patience slowly becomes something they depend on rather than something they appreciate.

And the worst part is what happens inside your own head. You begin questioning your right to be upset. You tell yourself that you are being dramatic. You compare your pain with theirs and decide that theirs isore important. You become an expert at giving other people permission to hurt you because you understand where they were coming them.

But understanding someone does not erase what they did knowing why someone behaved badly does not magically make the consequences disappear. A person can have a difficult childhood and still treat you terribly. Someone can love you and still hurt you respeately. Two things can be true at the same time.

I am beginning to think that empathy without boundaries becomes self negiect. There is nothing noble about constantly swallowing your anger so someone else never has to feel uncomfortable. There is nothing kind about abandoning yourself to keep understanding everyone else. Maybe being a good person sometimes means saying something much less forgiving.

I understand why you did it I understand that you were hurting I understand that you didn't mean to destroy anything And I still want accept it.bi don't think that makes me cruel. I think it means I have finally become tired of treating my own pain as the least important thing in every room.