Speaking up for myself

I've been a quiet person since ever. I was described as a quiet person by my teachers in school. Even in college, I talk very little to others. I only talk a lot with my friends but that's a different story. It's not that I don't have opinions, needs or wants. It's just that since early on, I learnt to swallow them before putting them forward in front of everyone. This is how I've been since childhood, so it felt safe and familiar. However, in college I saw people would speak out their thoughts, ideas, and opinions about things, and they would be considered. These people were seen as active and they would get what they would want. It seemed so easy for them. Like all they had to do was just say. I, on the other hand, used to be conscious of myself, and just feel safer observing things rather than putting myself out there. Having been described as a quiet person by a lot of people, I felt obliged to fit into people's idea of me. That doing anything out of character may astonish or disappoint people around me. That I may be seen as someone too ambitious. And so I would shrink myself, and act agreeable and easy-going. But at some point, I could no longer at peace with myself and my quietness. I had unsaid and unexpressed opinions and thoughts bottled up inside me that desperately wanted to take shape. I could no longer resonate with the person I was becoming. I was losing the innate attunement to my own self, my ambitions, and the kind of person I wanted to become. There were moments when I would want to say that 'I want to try this' or 'it matters to me' but would stay quiet and let that opportunity pass. This also started affecting the relations with my friends when I started being neglected, taken for granted, my efforts going underappreciated and unreciprocated simply because I didn't put forward my own needs and expectations. I never brought up their habits or patterns that didn't sit right with me, and would just keep it to myself. I felt like bringing things up would make things awkward or hard. I assumed that everyone has the knowledge of the impact of their actions or words, so if they said something that I didn't like, it's probably bcs I don't matter much to them. But it's an unreasonable expectation. Bcs people aren't supposed to know things on their own. They aren't living inside my head. Unless I don't communicate what I want or need, no one will know. I realised that learning to speak up for oneself is an not only essential but an imperative. When people said communication is the most important thing in any relation, they weren't lying. I learnt that opportunities come to people who show a desire that they want them in the first place. A CLOSED MOUTH DOESN'T GET FED. I realised that the longer I avoided speaking up for myself, the heavier I felt on the inside.