Showing Up

I think I am currently stuck in that weird phase of life where motivations comes for one , makes me feel like I can change my entire life, and then disappears the very next day. One day I am making plans , watching productivity videos, arranging my desk, deciding what time I will wake up, what I will study , how many hours I will work….. and the next day I am lying on my bed scrolling though my phone as if I have absolutely nowhere to be.

And the funny part is , I know better

I know that deep down that motivation is not what is going to build my career . It is discipline. It is doing thing even when I don’t feel like doing them. It is sitting at the table on the days when studying feels impossible. But knowing something actually doings it are two very different things .

Maybe the problem is that I am too comfortable right now. My bed is comfortable. My books are always there. My phone is always there. I can watch a movie , start a new series, read a book, scroll through Instagram, watch random YouTube videos and tell myself that I will after this one thing. And somehow that “after this” keeps becoming tomorrow.

Meanwhile, life is moving.

I see my friends achieving things. Someone got a job . Someone cleared an exam. Someone started something new. Someone is travelling, earning, building something, becoming independent. And I am genuinely happy for them, but sometimes, is I am being completely honest , it also hurts.

Because somewhere in the back of my mind there is this tiny voice asking, “ when will it be your turn?”

And then comes that horrible feeling of numbness. Not exactly sadness. Not laziness either. Just….. nothing. You know you have so much to do , you know you are falling behind, you know you could be doing better, but somehow you cannot make yourself move.

And then doom scrolling takes over.

Ten minutes becomes an hour. An hour becomes three. And suddenly, it’s evening , and I am sitting there with the same guilt I had in the morning . I promise myself tomorrow will be different. And sometimes tomorrow is different. Sometimes I actually wake up motivated and have the most productive day. But then the next day comes and everything disappears again.

Maybe I just need to show up.

Even if I dont feel motivated. Even if I am tired . Even if I can only study for ten minutes. Sit at the table. Open the book . Read one page. Write one answer. Do one thing.

Because maybe ten minutes of showing up is better than spending the entire day thinking about how I should bcha be studied.

And honestly, I think that is what I need to remind myself right now: showing up counts.

You don’t have to fix your entire life in one day. You just have to stop disappearing from your own goals.

Sit down. Start small. Let the day slowly align itself.