Random Thoughts Before Sleeping

Today was just one of those days we have nothing really happened but still my mind is so full. I woke up and already felt little tired even though I slept okay. I think these days I am always thinking about something. College, internships, exams, future, money, everything together. Sometimes I wish my brain can stop for 1 hour. I tried studying today but it was not going the way I wanted. I was reading constitutional law and after few pages I realise I would Just look looking at the words and not actually understanding anything. It is so frustrated because exams are coming and I really want to score good this semester. I know I can do better if I just understand that consistentcy is really difficult than it sounds. I also kept thinking about internships. Everyone around me looks like they are doing so much and then I start comparing myself. I know I should not because everyone have different journey but still it happens. Sometimes I feel like I am behind and sometimes I feel it maybe I am atually doing good. It changes every hour. One thing I notice today is how much time I waste on my phone without even enjoying it. I just keep scrolling even when there is nothing interesting. Then I feel guilty because I could have finished one chapter otherwise one case inside. I really need to control the habit because it is becoming worse. I was also thinking about my future a lot. I want a good career and I want to make my parents proud but I don't want them to worry about me. I know law is a long journey and success does not come quickly but sometimes I become impatient. I keep imagining where I will be after 5 years and then suddenly I get scared thinking what if nothing works out but then I remind myself that worrying is not actually helping anything full stop that were few Good small moments today I had a nice couple of tea in a cool weather and per few minutes I was just sitting quietly that actually felt peaceful. I don't do that often but maybe I should. I think I always feel like I need to be productive every second but maybe resting is also important. Still, I always enter feeling guilty after resting. Sometimes I like I'm changing as a person. I don't know fit is because of college or just going out. I careless about many unnecessary things now but at the same time I working more about important thing, funny how that works. Right now it is night and I am writing this before sleeping tomorrow I really want to wake up earlier and actually follow my plan. Even if I don't study for 10 hours I just want few focus hour that will be enough. I don't want to keep waiting for motivation because it necessary. I think discipline is what actually matters, even though I still struggle with it everyday. Anyway today was not bad. It was just another ordinary Day, where I am trying to become someone I can be proud of maybe that's enough for now.