Packing My Bag Is Easy, But Leaving Home Isn't.

Tomorrow I have to leave for college again.

I've been home for almost two months, and I honestly don't know where the time went. It feels like just yesterday I came home saying, "Finally, holidays!" Now suddenly my bag is lying open on the bed, my clothes are packed, my charger is somehow missing, and everyone at home has already started saying, "Take care."

This is probably the part of college life nobody really prepares you for.

People think leaving home gets easier after the first year. I thought so too. But somehow, every time I leave, it hurts a little. Maybe not in the same way, but it still does.

The hardest part isn't even packing my clothes. It's looking around the house and realising I won't wake up here tomorrow. I won't hear my mom asking, "Are you awake yet?" I won't randomly walk into the kitchen just to see what she's cooking. I won't get scolded for sleeping too much or leaving my cup on the table.

Funny how the little things become the biggest things when you're about to leave. And don't even get me started on my mom's food. At college, I eat because I have to. At home, I eat because it tastes like love. During these holidays, I didn't even think twice before opening the fridge or asking, "What's for lunch?" Tomorrow it'll be back to hostel food, instant noodles when I'm too tired, and pretending the mess food is actually decent. I already know I'll call home after a few days and the first thing I'll ask is, "What did you make today?" just so I can miss it even more.

The house also feels different today. Everything is normal, but not really.

Mom is reminding me to pack medicines and not skip meals. Dad is asking if I have enough money and whether my train ticket is safe. Everyone keeps saying, "Call us when you reach."

These are such simple sentences, but they somehow make leaving even harder.

I always tell myself I won't get emotional.

Then the moment comes when I pick up my bag, touch my parents' feet, hug my mom, and suddenly I don't feel like going anymore.

The worst part is pretending I'm okay because I don't want my parents to worry.

Being a student is strange.

You spend months waiting for vacations because you miss home.

Then, during vacations, you slowly get used to sleeping in your own room, eating home-cooked food, watching TV with your family, doing absolutely nothing, and feeling completely relaxed.

And just when life starts feeling normal again...

It's time to leave.

Tomorrow I'll go back to classes, assignments, attendance, deadlines, hostel rooms, and trying to survive another semester.

I know I'll settle in again after a few days because that's what we all do. We'll make new memories, complain about lectures, laugh with friends, and get busy with college life.

But tonight, I'm just a daughter who doesn't want to leave home.

Maybe this is what growing up actually feels like.

Not becoming less attached to home...

But learning to leave it again and again because your dreams are waiting somewhere else.

Still, if I could ask for one more thing tonight, it would be just one extra day at home.

Because no matter how exciting college is, there will always be one place that feels impossible to leave.