My Brain Needs to Be Fired 😭😂

The Nonsense I Do Daily

I genuinely think my brain deserves a salary for all the unnecessary work it does, because WHAT is actually going on in there? 😭😂

I'll walk into a room with full confidence, forget why I came there, stand in the middle like an NPC in a video game, and then walk back to my original place hoping the memory will magically return. Sometimes it works, sometimes I just accept that my brain has officially resigned. 💀

And why does the brain have the audacity to remember the most embarrassing moment of my entire life at 2 AM? Like, excuse me, sir, we have bills to worry about, a future to plan, and approximately 47 unfinished tasks. WHY ARE WE REPLAYING THAT ONE AWKWARD THING I SAID THREE YEARS AGO? Nobody even remembers it except me, yet here I am, mentally writing an apology letter to people who probably don't even remember my face. 😭

Another thing I need an explanation for is opening the fridge repeatedly. I'll open it, look at the same three food items, close it, walk away, and return five minutes later as if the government has delivered a fresh supply of snacks. The fridge is not Amazon, babe. Nothing new is arriving. 😭😂

Then there's the imaginary conversations. I can have an entire argument with someone in my head, prepare the most powerful comeback known to humanity, deliver a ten-minute speech, win the argument, and feel personally offended afterwards. Meanwhile, the other person is probably peacefully eating Maggi, completely unaware that they've just lost a court case in my imagination. 💀

Let's also discuss the confidence with which we lie to ourselves. Every night, I say, "Tomorrow, I'll wake up early, fix my routine, study properly, drink enough water, stop wasting time, and become a completely new person." The next morning, my alarm rings, and suddenly I'm negotiating with myself like I'm signing an international peace treaty. "Five more minutes." Those five minutes somehow turn into an entire historical era.

And why do we check our phones when we're bored, find absolutely nothing interesting, put them down, and pick them up again after twelve seconds? What exactly are we expecting? A personal invitation from the universe? A notification saying, "Congratulations, your life has finally become interesting"? 😂

Don't even get me started on saying "you too" at the most inappropriate times. Someone says, "Happy birthday!" and I say, "You too." A waiter , "Enjoy your meal," and I say, "You too," before realising what I've done. At that point, I don't even want the food anymore. Just give me a new identity and let me start life somewhere else. 😭🤡

And the shower thoughts? Absolutely criminal. I'll be peacefully taking a shower when suddenly my brain asks me a question like, "What if fish are thirsty?" or "Do people see me differently from how I see myself in the mirror?" Now I'm standing there, holding shampoo, questioning the entire existence of humanity. I went in to wash my hair, not to solve the mysteries of the universe.

The funniest part is that I can remember the lyrics of a song I heard once in 2019, but if someone tells me three things to buy from the shop, I'll forget two of them before reaching the door. My memory clearly has favourites, and unfortunately, important information isn't one of them. Honestly, I refuse to believe I'm the only person living like this. Somewhere out there, someone is probably reading this while lying in bed, scrolling for hours, avoiding responsibilities, and promising to become productive tomorrow. I see you. We need help, but first, let's finish scrolling. 😂

Now tell me: What's the dumbest, weirdest, or most embarrassing thing you do that makes you wonder if your brain is even working? And please, don't tell me I'm the only one who has imaginary arguments and wins them. I need witnesses for my defence. 😭😂🤡