Me myself and I

There comes a point in life when you stop asking " what if they will be disappointed and hurt?" And started asking "What about me?"

For the longest time I beleived that being a good people meant always saying yes. Saying yes to extra responsibility. Yes to last minute favours. Yes to people who only remembered me when they needed something. I confused kindness with availablity and compassion with self sacrifice. Sir.where along the way I became so busy making sure everyone was okay that I forgot to ask myself the same question.

They strangest thng about constantly putting yourself last is that people begin to expect it. They stop seeing your efforts as generosity and start seeing it as obligation m the moments you finally say no you are suddenly called selfish and distant and cold or different. But may be you have not changed at all. May be you have simply stopped abandaning yourself to make everyone else comfortable.

I have learned that choosing yourself is not about believing you are more important than everyone else. It is about believing you are just as important. Your peace matters. You dreams matters. Your times matters. Your mental health matters. You don't have to constantly keep yourself if fire just to keep someone else warm. A heart that is constantly giving without ever resting eventually has nothing left to offer.

For years I have waited for permission to put myself first. I thought someone would tell me it was okay to rest and that it is okay to walk away from toxic situations, okay to protect my energy. That permission never came. I had given it to myself. And honestly it was one of hardest things I have ever done. We are taught to feel guilty for choosing ourselves as though self respect is somehow selfish.

Noe I don't apologise for having boundaries. I don't chase people was repeatedly choose not to stay. I don't force myself into places where I am just being tolerated. If someone wants to leave I will let them. If something costs me my peace it is already too expensive. I have realized that protecting my happiness is not an act of intelligence. It is an act of responsibility. After all I am the one who has to live with myself every single day.

That does not mean that I have stopped loving people. It simply means that I have started including myself among the people I love. I still care deeply. I still help when I can. I still believe kindness make this world a better place. But kindness should never come at the cost of losing your own identity.

You cannot pour endlessly to a empty cup and expect it to remain full. So if choosing myself means walking alone for a while then I will walk. If it means disappointing people who loved the version of me that always said yes then I will disappoint them.