I yearn for the day I get to leave this place.

I don’t know how I’ll do it. I don’t know why I chose to stay here in the first place. To please others? To be easy on others? It sounds silly when I think of my decision now. I knew I should have been prepared for this, for all the pressure and interference and no one letting me live the way I want. I couldn’t have expected to live peacefully here. I will be going to college again soon. Hate to see those people. They will eat at my head and leave it empty. I wish I could tell them to just mind their own business. Everybody keeps talking their mouths off, I wish I could like, just yah trick yah them out of my face. Souljaboy’s goofy music is the only thing saving me between these lectures. Man.

I have been working so hard to build my portfolio. I spend time on my hobbies and on gaining experience doing anything valuable in terms of work. I have also been trying out every way available to me to earn. The moment I get my undergrad degree, I am FLEEING this place. No one will receive a single call from me. I had big dreams back then but now the dream is literally just to get a 1bhk apartment on rent, live freely on my own money and the rest I’ll figure out on the way. All I wish for is peace and freedom. I want to be able to sit in the living room without someone taunting me at the way I sit or at how often I use headphones. I want to be able to live each day without someone annihilating my mood by the end of the day and leave me sleepless. I want to be able to decorate my home the way I’ve always dreamt about. Put fairy lights on the balcony, buy a bright coloured couch, lots of little anime figurines and merch. I don’t want someone else’s thoughts and preferences to dictate my own. I’m sick of living like a shadow. I want to tear free of it, and finally live like the light I’m supposed to be in my own life.

I despise it when they look down on my hobbies, my art, my projects. Even when I conform to them, it’s never enough. They say ‘be this’ one day and ‘be that’ the next as if I’m some sort of puppet. It’s like I have to follow each and every whim of theirs. No reasoning, just do it because they said so. I’m sick. I have my own passions and desires and I’m sick of pretending I care about others’ biased opinions. Telling me I can’t be this, do that, what? Because they said so? Please.

I don’t understand why they have to discourage every dream they come across simply because they couldn’t fulfill their own. It’s what’s called a vicious cycle. Be miserable and make others the same so you can enjoy a fleeting sense of satisfaction with your life.