Growing up Happens Quickly

I always imagined growing up would feel dramatic.

Like there would be one morning where I wake up and suddenly know what I am doing with my life. I thought adulthood would come with some background music, maybe a little confidence to. Turns out, it does not work like that full stop it happen so quietly that you don't even notice it until one random day.

Mine happened at a grocery store, weirdly enough.

I was standing there comparing two packets of rice because one was 20 cheaper. I remember laughing at myself because of few years ago I didn't even knew how much rice cost. I would have just picked whichever packet looked nicer. Now I was actually calculating if saving 20 rupees was worth it. Maybe because it made me realise nobody announces that you're growing up. It just....happens.

There are days I still feel sixteen.

Then I call my mother and instead of asking her where my socks are, I am asking how long potatoes should be boiled because somehow I forgot again. She always answer the phone the same way. "Have you eaten?" Sometimes that question irritates me. Most times it does not. I think it's her way of saying she misses me without actually saying it.

Hostel life changed me more than I expected. At home I never noticed how clothes magically appeared folded in my cupboard. Now if I don't wash them, well...nobody else is going to. I have also burnt Maggi once. I didn't even knew that was possible but apparently it is. One evening after classes I missed my bus. At first I was annoyed because another one was not coming anytime soon full stop my phone battery was almost dead, so scrolling was not even an option. I just sat there.

There was an old uncle selling roasted peanuts nearby. A little boy kept asking his mother for balloons. Two school girls were sharing earphones and laughing so loudly that everyone look that them. For almost 40 minutes I watched people living in their own tiny lives. Strange thing is... I don't remember why I was in such a hurry that day.

Maybe I was not.

Maybe I only thought I was.

There is a quote by C. S. Lewis that I read somewhere "Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different?" I think about that line more often then I should.

I still don't know where I will be 5 years from now. Some days I am excited about it. Some days its gears me so much that I stop thinking about it completely.

But maybe that's okay.

Maybe growing up isn't becoming fearless.

Maybe it's learning to keep walking even when you are carrying a little fear in your pocket.

I still love to loudly sometimes. I still call home for recipes I will probably mess up anyways. I Still overthink the messages before sending them. I still don't have everything figured out.

And maybe I will never.

But for the first time that thought does not scare me as much it feel strangely..

comforting.

Finish this thought: "I used to believe... but now I know..."