Disconnected

Neel (nickname of course) is my elder cousin. Neeldada got married when I was in college. Soon after the marriage, upon SIL's suggestion he moved from Mumbai to a tier -2 city for "apparent" better career opportunities. Ever seems that time they had been staying there. He would rarely visit Mumbai. He would not attend any ceremony's of our relatives. He would not even call anybody. My dad always called him and he would cut short the conversation. We can say that he was a disconnected from us.

This incident occurred a couple of years ago at the time of Diwali. We have a family tradition. All cousins gather at one cousins home for Diwali celebration. Generally everyone comes to our home for Diwali celebration. Per usual my dad was making calls to all a relatives to formally invite them for Diwali celebration to our home. Dad had call Neeldada as well. After calling him dad happily came to me where I was reading a book.

"This time Neel is going to come. Just spoke to him and he agreed that he is going to attend the celebrations this time," dad was simply delighted to have hurt that his nephew is going to visit us after a long time. I did not want to disappoint my dad but the truth had to be spoken.

" I don't believe he will come," I said in an assertive for tone.

"He promised me that he is going to attend. He told me that he had taken 5 days of for Diwali. He said that he is travelling to Mumbai for Diwali," dad was still hopeful.

" Doesn't he say this every year? Every year he confirmed that he is going to visit. He bails out at the last minute. Then he says either he is not well or bhabhi is not well or kids are not well. Neeldada has no guts to say no on your face so he say yes. In reality he never intends to visit. He has made a life for himself away from us and he wants to keep it that way. If he wants to disconnect we should let him be. Besides what I said I would not keep any Hopes from him," I made my stand clear to my dad. I had no hope from Neeldada and I also did not want my dad to keep any high hopes from him.

It happened just how I had predicted. On the day of our meeting Neeldada called up in the morning. He told my dad dad his son was unwell and hands he could not make it. My dad was really disappointed. He was looking forward to meet his nephew. I definitely felt bad for my dad but I had already told him not to keep any hopes. All my other cousins arrived and Neeldada's topic came up. All cousins agreed that they were not able to spoke with him. Whenever they call him he would make excuses and would disconnect the call. Nobody knew why he did not want to stay in touch with his blood relatives. We all decided that henceforth we would not call him as well. We should not give him any attention because he does not deserve that.

At the end of the day we all still feel for him. After all we are bound by blood. He was an integral part of our family and now he does not want to stay in touch with us. Now we have accepted the reality and we have decided to let go.

No relationship can survive if it is a one way. It is better to disconnect in such relationships.