Deleted insta

I deleted my instagram on 29th May. Even before that, I had these phases where I would uninstall and then reinstall it every now and then. But this time it's intentional. I have thought it through. I do not want to consume this much of people's lives and opinions. I hardly posted anything on my account and would end up wasting a good amount of time consuming and scrolling through endless reels. My insta addiction was so bad that nothing actually helped. I set the timer for 1 hour but I always ended up adding 15 mins, then 15 mins more, and then I'd go with eventually 'ignore limit for today'. I also realised that while scrolling through the content I would subconsciously be on a lookout to find something that I would not really want to see. This included going through accounts or watching reels that made me compare myself to others or that made me feel unworthy. In fact I remember redownloading instagram only to see what's up with everyone's life or to like posts, stories and reels of my friends and acquaintances. On reflection, I realised that I just did that to avoid FOMO, to make myself seen, and to show that I am up to date on people's lives. It was basically an attempt to clap loudly for others even when I felt nothing significant on the inside. I would also catch myself liking reels on autopilot just because I would see likes of my friends/acquaintances on that. This really made me question my own sense of judgement. Often, I would see other people post pictures of the party or the event that I too was a part of and then I would feel like I probably didn't have enough fun because I don't have good enough pictures to post. It gave rise to constant comparison that was just unhealthy for me mentally. My feed was also full of life lessons and advices from strangers. I'm still not sure about what to make of it but it does feel like there is a need to be more critical and intentional about what I consume and follow eventually. While it's not completely wrong to listen to advices of other people, and sometimes the lessons feel too validating, yet as I think about it, I'm a bit uneasy about following and taking advices at face value from people I don't even know. My main problem with insta was constant comparison which made me feel like I'm not doing good enough and it made me feel worse about myself. I felt like I had low self-esteem and confidence. In fact one of the main reasons I didn't post anything even though my account was private was because I felt I won't get enough likes to validate the experience or the feeling. I didn't have instagram in 11th and 12th grade in school and I realized that I would be so carefree and stress free those days. I used to be in a really good and regulated state of mind. I would watch long-form educational videos on ytube and I would keep myself updated on areas like economics, geopolitics, and world history. But now I no longer have the attention span. My fav educational ytubers who would demystify everything so well now seem boring. I have followed educational insta accounts which explain new concepts within 30 secs or 1 min. However, I realised that watching a long ytube vid on a single topic is better than watching 10 educational reels on different topics. This seems very empowering on the surface but the mind actually doesn't register much.