Comparing with cousins

"Mom I topped to school this time too," I enjoyed my home beaming with pride.

" How much did you score?" My grandmother asked me. It was not out of curiosity.

"96%", I replied politely.

" That's it. Your cousin Pinky scored 97%. You need to study more," dismissively my grandmother said. All my happiness turn to ashes with this comparison. I was about to cry. I look at my mother to say something. But she did not see anything she just stood and listened.

This was my entire of childhood in a nutshell. Constant comparison with other cousins from different schools. Pinky would have done something better. Raju what have scored more. Rani would have performed better on the stage. Rinky would have won a race. My cousins would have done something better than me. Then there was me - the one who have studied hard and scored well, but still was the black sheep in the family. Whatever I did was never enough. Every time someone else would have done something "apparently" much better than me and I would be called "mediocre" by my grandmother.

This constant comparison was unbearable. Because in her books I was never good. Every time I would hear that I should have studied more or worked harder to be at par my other cousins. She put never hesitate to tell me that I will never be at there level let alone better than them at anything. According to her I never possessed the talent to do something good.

The comparison never stopped at studies. It would go beyond that. Comparison in sports was my grandmother's favourite because I was never good at sports. She would deliberately recall the athletic achievements of my cousins show me my place. She would discuss and describe them at great length so that I would feel the motivated. She put proudly say that my cousins would be great players in their respective schools or colleges. She would say that they would be representing the schools at state or National levels where as I would sit in the audience clapping for them. I never took that as an insult because I knew how bad I was at sports.

It's time I would achieve something my grandmother would find a way to dismiss it with snarky comment. As a child I would really get hurt with such horrible remarks. I bought often cry because of what she would say. My mother never defend me or take a stand for me. She put tell me to ignore my grandmother's remark. But dusri marks were to painful to ignore and forget.

Even today after so many years I remember those remarks and they make me cry. Today I am not a parent or guardian. But if I were a parent and anybody would have said something to de motivate my child I know one thing for sure. I would have spot them from making any remarks about my child. I would have stood up strong like a fears tigress to protect my child from harm. This is because I knew how hurtful the remarks could be. I would have protected my child at any cost and maybe that would have been away to heal my inner child too.