Big lips

I was born in the family where every family member had thin lips. In fact, my family had decided that thin lips is a beauty standard. Unfortunately for me, I did not fit into that beauty standard. I had big wide lips.

When I was a child, my cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents would often ask me, "why are your lips swollen?" I would tell them that my lips are not swollen, this is how they are. Then I would hear reactions, such as how strange, they look too big, normally people do not have such big lips. Then the discussion would spiral over how nobody in the family had big lips. How I was the only one with big lips. Surprisingly, my parents would join them instead of protecting me. I would feel as if I was in room full of people criticizing me for something that was beyond my control. I would often cry over their remarks.

My cousins would make fun of me saying that my lips look like I have a mouth of fish. Intentionally they would make gestures of how fish open their mouths to tease me. This behavior was hurtful. But no grown ups ever stopped them or scolded them for saying mean things to me. They would join them making fun of me. I would be at the center of the jokes. I would tell them to stop and end up in tears but the jokes never stopped.

I was 20 when one of my cousins got married. I was getting ready. I had kept my lipstick on the counter. One of my cousins borrowed my lipstick. While applying it she made a cruel comment, "I need to apply before you. Because once you apply it, the lipstick would get over". Everybody in the room laughed. I felt hurt but I had no comeback. She had been laughing at me at my expense (literally).

In my 20s as well the jokes towards my lips continued. My relatives would calculate how much I would have to spend on lipcare, since every time I had to apply lipbalm or lipstick, the whole quantity would be used. Once I was so upset, I told one of my aunts that unless I ask her to pay for my lipsticks, she should not comment. Of course, aunt found my response to be rude (despite her making several cruel comments). She made a scene in front of the entire family, calling me a brat.

Then a few years ago, I had been to a family function. I met few of my nieces whom I had never met. These nieces were teenagers. While speaking one of them asked me about my lipcare. I thought that maybe she was schooled my mother to make fun of me and my lips. But the girl was genuinely asking, "you have really beautiful plump lips. Nobody in our family has good lips, except for you. That is why I asked you what do you use". Her mother and grandmother were right there, listening to this conversation. I saw an embarrassment on their faces. They must have realised that they had been wrong to make fun of me.

That was the moment when I did not feel bad about my lips. I felt that my family was not able to see the beauty in the imperfections. Just one interaction with a young niece took away my insecurity and gave me a new confidence.