Being alone is not the same as being lonely

I used to thing alone and being lonely were basically the same thing.

If you were sitting by yourself, eating alone, travelling alone, walking alone walking through a crowd without anyone beside you, I assumed something must be wrong.

Now I think there is a difference.

Being alone can be a choice.

Loneliness is when being alone feels like proof that nobody wants you there.

I have spent entire days alone and felt completely fine. I could sit somewhere with a cup of tea, listen to music, watch a movie,walk without talking to anyone, and enjoy the silence. There was no desperate need to fill every empty minute with another person's presence.

Sometimes, I actually prefer it.

When I am alone, I don't have to perform.

I don't have to think about how Iam being perceived. I don't have to keep a conversation alive when I have nothing to say. I don't have to laugh because everyone else is laughing. I don't have to explain why I suddenly become quiet.

I can simply exist.

There is something almost luxurious about that But loneliness is different.

Loneliness can happen in a crowded room. You can sit surrounded by people and still feel like nobody would notice if you disappeared.

You can have hundreds of followers, dozens of contacts,group chats constantly buzzing, and still have nobody you actually want to call when something happens. That kind of loneliness is much harder to explain.

Because technically , you are not alone. You just don't feel connected. I think out generation has become particularly bad at distinguishing the two.

We are constantly connected to people through phones, notifications, stories, messages and social media.Someone's life is always visible somewhere on our screen. And yet sometime I can put my phone down after talking to ten people and still feel like I haven't actually spoken to anyone.

Maybe because communication and connection aren't the same thing. Abhundred reactions aren't the same as one person asking, "Are you actually okey.? A group chat isn't the same as having someone who knows when your silence means something.

And being surrounded by people isn't the same as felling understood by one. I don't think being alone is sometimes I need to fear anymore. There are things I have learned about myself only because nobody else was around to distract me.

I have discovered what music I actually like what throughts keep returning what I want when nobody is watching and how comfortable I can become with my own company. But I also don't want to romanticize loneliness. I dont want to pretend that needing people is weakness.

It isn't.

Humans are not designed to live entirety inside themselves. Sometimes I want someone beside me. Someone to tell something stupid to. Someone to laugh with.

Someone who notices when I am unusual quiet. There is no shame in that.

Maybe the goal isn't to become someone who never needs anyone.Maybe it is simply to become comfortable Eno alone that you don't accept the wrong people just to avoid being alone.

Because being alone can be peaceful. Loneliness is different. One. Is silence you choose. The other is silence you wise someone would break.