Baby blues

It was the year 2020. Everyone was confined to their homes because of the lockdown restrictions. With so much free time in the hands a lot of people started getting into new hobbies and passions. The dreams that were put on hold had the time to resurface. My friend Asha (pseudonym) had also started pursuing her dream of starting a new YouTube channel showing her culinary skills.

Asha along with her husband Amit had started a YouTube channel which showed various recipes. Every Sunday Asha would share the link of her YouTube video with us on our friends group chat. I would eagerly wait for her video to be uploaded. I would diligently watch her video and also sometimes try the recipe that she had shared. I was really happy that she was able to chase her dream and start a new journey.

In June 2020 I noticed that Asha had not shared her weekly video. I asked Asha on the group, "where is the link? Eager to try new recipe". A couple of hours later Asha replied on the group suggesting that the week was busy for both of them hence they were not able to make a video.

Same story in the next week. Asha had not posted of video on her YouTube channel. I sensed that something was not right. This time instead of mentioning on the group I texted her 1:1 and asked her if she was okay. She replied that everything is fine however she has been busy with work. She and Amit were unable to find the time to shoot and edit hence they had not posted the video. She assured me that everything was okay.

A couple weeks followed and Asha had not been posting any videos on her YouTube channel. I found it intrusive to ask her again and again about the videos and if everything was ok. I decided not to ask her the same questions repeatatively. I decided to let go off worrying about her.

Neither me nor my friends had heard anything significant from Asha for a few months. Whenever I had texted her either on her birthday or on festivals I received a replied from her staying that everything was fine. I decided to believe what she was telling me.

Approximately a year later I met Asha at one of my friend's home. This time the topic of YouTube videos came up. I told her how much I had enjoyed her videos. That is when she informed me about her sad reality. Asha said, "I had conceived in November 2019. We were so happy to have been able to succeed after 8 years of marriage. Everything was really going good. In the end of May, I had a sharp pain and hence we had to rush to the hospital. My baby was delivered when I was only 6 months pregnant. By that time her physical growth was not completed. She had to be hospitalized and kept in NICU. Two months after that where really difficult for us. After the long battle she finally took her last breath. This was the reason why I stopped everything that I was doing as a hobby. I had no energy or enthusiasm to record the videos. Both of us had lost the interest. Everyday was becoming more and more difficult. It has been a couple of months since we started accepting the reality. Amit and I are still not back to normal. We are trying best to return to normal". Asha was crying at this time. I embraced her and tried to calm her.

Listening to her I thought to myself that we can never understand the struggles that each person faces behind their always smiling faces.