Authentic Human Connections?

A while ago, my friends and I were having a discussion on how it seems impossible to make human connections in the ‘real world’ nowadays. Our target for this conversation? Dating apps and social media.

In the world of technology and social media, it seems apt to adapt in terms of socialising as well, right? Instead of randomly meeting people in the grocery store, or cafes, or bars, a lot of us prefer sitting at home and scrolling media, be it Instagram, Snapchat, or dating apps like Hinge and Bumble.

When we meet someone we find ‘authentic’ enough to date or atleast meet, we wait for their messages, we attach our self worth to the way they treat us. “Oh, they are not replying to me? Maybe I messed up. Maybe I said something wrong or maybe… just maybe… they found someone prettier or smarter than me?”… We stop believing in someone’s capabilities we have known our entire lives (us), just because someone new to our lives is not validating us. We feel like that person is choosing someone else over us, that we are not worth the effort.

And then, once we stop talking to this person, a new person enters our life. And the cycle repeats. What we do not realise, or wish to not focus on, is the fact that we are addicted to the dopamine hit we get when we see the amount of likes we get on these platforms, or when someone we like or find attractive, likes us on dating apps. We suddenly have an increased self-esteem and feel better… because hey, if someone I like, likes me back… then I am worth it, right? There has to be something good about me that they like?

Even on other social media platforms like Instagram and Snapchat, it is very easy to go to random people’s profiles and DM them and start a conversation. It is also very easy to do it to a hundred profiles… so much so that the authenticity of human connection loses its charm. We almost become robots. We get tired of replying to so many people over such apps, we get tired of repeating this cycle with different people. We start losing hope. We delete these apps to ‘refresh and reconnect with outselves’… and then we suddenly feel the need for that dopamine hit and download them again.

This is exactly what was happening to me.. and some of my friends as well. It was the last few weeks before we were graduating college, and so we decided to make a pact. Every other day, we will go to a different cafe, a different bar, a new mall… anything literally. The catch? When we are together as a group, we do not check our phones at all, and we approach atleast 5 strangers as a group. We connect with each other, we meet new people, and we try to make new connections. We got some glares from people who just wanted to enjoy personal company, or just wanted to be with their group… but there were a lot more people who welcomed us and talked to us.

That’s when I thought to myself, ‘why not chase authentic real world connections for a change? Why not give these apps a well deserved break, and reconnect with the ‘social’ part of ourselves, but outside our little, comfortable bubbles?