A day

Most day in my life do not begin with certainty. They begin with possibilities. I wake up and state at the ceiling for a few moments mentally sorting through everything I need to do. There are assignment waiting to be completed and projects waiting to be built and prompts waiting to be written and skills waiting to be learn and dreams waiting to become something real.

The funny thing is that from outside my day form not look excitating. I am not climbing mountains. I am not traveling the world. Most of my battles happen in front of screen. Yet some how every day feels like a step towards something bigger. I start by checking messages and mails. Sometimes there is a good news. Sometimes there is not. Sometimes it just another rejection or another delayir another remainder that success rarely arraived as quickly as we want it to.

Still I keep going. That has become a habit. Then comes the works. Some day I am writing prompts trying to imagine stories and worlds that do not yet exist. Other days I am debugging code that seemed determined to test my patience and make me regret all my descisions. A missing semicolon can ruin an entire afternoon mva single bug can make me question every life decision that led me to programming.

And then after hours of frustration the code suddenly works. For a few seconds I feel like genius. Then another bug appears. Life moves in. Between all of these jobs I often find myself thinking about the future. The future job. The future career. The future version of myself. The version who has to figure out everything. The version who is confident n the version who no longer worried of they are good enough. I have not met that version yet. But I hope that that version is doing well. Sometimes pressure feels heavy.

There are responsibilities growing quietly but rapidly in the background. Expectations and goals. The desire to build a life that makes the people who beleived in me proud. Especially my parents. They have spent years helping reach places I could not reached alone. Whenever ainfeel like giving up I think about that.

And somehow I continue. The evening arraive before I realisem the sun degines to disappear across the horizon. The world slows down. This is where I reflect not on achievement and not of failures not on progress. Did I learn something today? Did I improve? Did I take one step forward? Most days the answer is yes. And maybe that is enough.

Before sleeping I often imagine what life might look like from a few years from now. I am happy with the present. There are a lot of things I would change in my present if I had the power. But what I have now is the maximum good that can be given and I am getting it because of my parents. I am hopeful about the future.

Hope is strange thing. It survives bad days and survives bad days and uncertainty. And still it keeps whispering that it all will be worth it. So I close my Laptop. Turn off the lights. And end another ordinary day. A day that probably looks insignificant from the outside but a day that quietly brought me one step closer to who I want to become.