18 July 2025

Date: 18 July 2025

Day: Friday

State of mind: Tired, unwell in general

7 AM: I got up. I am still feeling weak because I am recovering from last week's infection. Doctor says I need rest. But I am not getting any more sick leaves. I have to go to office. I am planning to return home for lunch and continue working from home till evening. The attendance to the office is what matters.

9 AM: I am sitting at my desk. I am feeling cold. Jumper is not helping. My colleagues are saying that it is hot on the floor. Am I unwell again?

11 AM: The cold temperatures are unbearable. I cannot stand it. I am shivering. My colleagues too noticed it. I will grab a cup of coffee to see if it helps.

11:30 AM: Coffee did not help. I have to head home. I cannot sit in this cubicle. It feels like Antarctica.

12:15 PM: I reached home. Feels so much better here. I will have lunch before going into my next meeting.

1:30 PM: Feeling better after lunch, I have been working on this report for last 30 minutes. I have never worked so faster. I feel as if I am unstoppable.

1:45 PM: I am preparing for the meeting. Going through the slides one last time.

2:20 PM: The meeting started on time. I delivered my presentation and did the Q & A round too. I now just have to stay in the meeting till it ends.

2:30 PM: I am feeling strange. I have difficulty in breathing. I am almost wheezing. I have sudden throbbing headache. There is a sudden wave of nausea. My vision is blurring. Every voice is sounding robotic. What is happening to me? Is this the end? I have to leave the meeting.

3:30 PM: I am seated at a chair. My parents are sitting with me. They say my hands are cold. I am feeling dizzy and nauseous. I am not able to keep my eyes open but I don't want to close my eyes. What if I do not wake up? I am still not able to breathe properly.

4 PM: Feeling slightly better but not yet back to normal. I have no confidence to stand on my feet. I know I will fall down if I stand up. But at least now I know I will survive. This is not the end, at the moment.

5 PM: My mother made me coffee. I am sipping it. Each sip is difficult. I don't want to have it. I never thought there will be a time when I would say no to coffee.

6:30 PM: I am sitting at a dispensary. I look at my hands. Why do they look bluish purple? Are they discolored or my brain is tricking me? There is something wrong. I need to find out what is wrong with me.

6:45 PM: The doctor saw me. He measured my blood pressure - 55/85 mmHg. That is very low. Almost rock bottom. His face looked tensed. I asked him if I would need to get hospitalized. He said he will give me IV fluids in the dispensary. If the blood pressure does not improve then I would need to get hospitalized. A new fear tried to take over. I am trying to control my fear. I know emotions affect the blood pressure. I don't want any fluctuations in my blood pressure.

7:10 PM: The doctor has started IV 15 minutes ago. I am chanting "Dattatreyam namami tam" - I know that will keep me calm.

7:30 PM: IV is halfway through. The doctor asks me if I have any dizziness or nausea. I deny. I think IV is helping.

8:15 PM: IV is about to end. I am feeling much stronger. I am making myself believe that.

8:45 PM: I am back home. No dizziness, no nausea. Doctor has advised me to consume more fluids. I will do that. Right now I am just thankful to be back from a severe episode hypotension alive in one piece. Thank you god for giving me nore time on this earth 🙏🏻